I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
