Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
