I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
