I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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