yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
