I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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