My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
