Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
