i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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