we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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