I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
