So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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