Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
