My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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