all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
