there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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