Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
