I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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