Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize