my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
