weddingsv make me drug and hornr
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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