just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
