I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
