even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
