well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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