for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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