SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
