I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
