If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
