Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
