Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
