We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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