eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
