I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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