Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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