I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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