Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
