Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize