I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Congratulations! We have a period
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