I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
