Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
