just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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