the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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