So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
