Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
