Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
