in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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