In the future we'll all be gay
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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