I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
