if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
