Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
