There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm at about main and main street
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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