So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
