you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
