You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
