Christians are straight up FREAKS
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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