a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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