i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
