That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
