she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
