I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
