Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize