I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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