Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
