so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
