sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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