I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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