well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
