Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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