i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
