quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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