put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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