is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
